life before us

A couple weeks ago I was looking at a family picture of my father's side of family.  This picture was taken in the 70's when my dad was a teenager.  Then the strangest thing happened: I saw my parents talk for real.

I know this sounds weird.  They've been married for almost 3 decades, they talk all the time, and I've seen them talk all the time, but I can only remember them talking about logistics and parenting stuff.  Like they would talk about what time they need to pick somebody up, what they need for groceries, or they'd bicker at each other.

Anyway, as my father was staring at the picture, he said, "I wore that shirt when I swam from China to Hong Kong."
My mother replied, "you must have liked that shirt a lot to recognize it from that picture."
"It took us 10 days to get to Hong Kong.  That shirt lasted the entire trip."
"You must have been sad when it wore out."
"Of course.  I had so few shirts, and that was a good one.  I did so many things wearing that shirt."

My dad started talking about all the things he did in Hong Kong.  Working in restaurants.  Working in poultry houses.  Gambling and getting into a lot of fights.  And get this: my mother laughed.  And then she said, "your father was a real rebel.  He was always willing to do anything and he did everything.  He was always getting into fights."

She said this so fondly.  And then I realized this: My mother liked the bad boys!  And then she married him and had 3 kids with him!

It's strange to think of a time before my parents were parents.  I never knew my dad swam from China to Hong Kong.  I know a lot of people did it back then to escape from China, and I just felt so small and insignificant.  How can I be 25 years old and have never known my dad swam from China to Hong Kong?

My parents had this whole life before my brothers and I ever got here, and it was nothing like how mine has been.  They did so much more than I have ever had to do in my entire life. When I was 17 I was just messing around in high school, worrying about college and my boyfriend.  My dad was swimming to Hong Kong with his 3 older brothers and working for peanuts doing multiple jobs, sending his money back home to help his parents and the rest of his siblings, and still managing to have a wild time and getting into street fights.  Could I have done that at 17?  I don't know, but how can I feel anything but respect for everything they've ever had to do?